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Venus and Mars at Work

September 12, 2007
CareerBuilder.com, Laura Morsch

Workplace expert Lisa Earle McLeod, author of "Forget Perfect," learned long ago that men and women share some differences in the workplace. Now, she addresses one of these differences the moment she begins a presentation.

"When I do seminars for men, especially middle management men, I have to spend a good hour or two validating what they've done so far before they start to learn," she says. Men, McLeod says, take new information as an affront to their intelligence and become defensive. Women, by contrast, start to learn right away.

According to the AFL-CIO, women are paid 76 cents for every dollar a man earns. Are workplace gender differences to blame for the U.S. wage gap or contributing to the glass ceiling?

No, many experts say. But they can hinder effective communication in the workplace.

The contacts that count

Although women are generally good at building rapport, they don't always build the right types of relationships, says Rebecca Shambaugh, founder of Women in Leadership and Learning (WILL), a women's executive leadership development program.

"Believing that political posturing is sinful, women often fail to develop strategic relationships with the very people in top positions empowered to promote them," Shambaugh says. Whereas men are more likely find a mentor, sponsor or contact that can give their careers a boost, "women tend to forget to focus on the biggest corporate priorities, instead believing they will be judged solely on their work," she says.

To fix this, women should look beyond their day-to-day tasks and think in terms of their own career progress and the strategic goals for the organization, she says. "It's not so much going out and tooting your horn but looking for visible opportunities to sit in on a meeting or task force," Shambaugh says.

"Call yourself out and let them know the value and expertise you bring to the table."

Can I ask you a question?

Lisa Earle McLeod recalls a female sales rep who was sure she was about to be fired. Her boss, a man, had been silent around her lately and seemed completely uninterested in what she was doing. Just as she was bracing herself for the axe, she was promoted instead.

McLeod also remembers asking one of her male sales reps a lot of questions about his work. She was just interested in learning more about his accomplishments, but the sales rep interpreted her questions as a sign that she thought he was incompetent.

She says these types of scenarios are common because of the different ways men and women approach asking questions.

"Women ask questions to show interest; men think they're being given the third degree." "Women might be wise to make their question-asking less visible to the male superiors who evaluate them," suggests Sandra Beckwith, author of "Why Can't a Man be More Like a Woman?" "Similarly, men need to realize that this is not an indication that women don't know how to do their jobs... In reality, female question-asking is an indication that women are getting the information they need to do their jobs."

If you don't mind…

"Women use all kinds of ways of telling people what to do without giving a direct order, Deborah Tannen said in a presentation based on her book, "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation." "A woman might say, ‘I would do it this way’ or ‘Is there any way you can get that done today, so we can send it out tomorrow?’"

Women also tend to make other statements sound like questions, making them appear unconfident, Beckwith says. "It's impossible to take her seriously when everything she says sounds uncertain."

If your orders are sounding more like requests, get feedback from a trusted mentor or friend, Beckwith says. Then practice sounding as authoritative as you really are.

The bottom line

Men and women may communicate differently, but these differences don't spell disaster in the workplace, says Lynda Ford, a human resources expert and author of "Transform Your Workplace" (McGraw-Hill).

 

"People have been sold snake oil when talking about Venus versus Mars in terms of work habits and professional mannerisms," she says. "It's nothing more than an excuse to say, ‘Hey, that's how I am’ and avoid making any substantial changes to work better together."

The best executives are able to combine the best of both genders' communication styles, McLeod says. "The smarter the men, the more they are able to employ the effective strategies of women. And the smarter the women, the more they're able to employ the effective strategies of men."

Laura Morsch is a writer for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.