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At 20K Words a Day, Women Still Need to Speak Up

Women in Leadership

November 3, 2006
Washington Business Journal, Rebecca Shambaugh

Women speak about 20,000 words per day while men average 7,000 words per day.

Kind of leaves you speechless, huh?

With such a knack for communicating, it would seem that women should have an advantage over men in the workplace.

However, much of a leader's credibility and power is based on perception, and much of perception is based on communications -- what we say and how we say it. While women are naturally masters of communications, I tell women that what works so well for us in personal and social relationships often works to our detriment in professional settings.

The way we women communicate -- giving lots of details, talking about how we feel about a situation, trying to involve everyone in the conversation --is often not as effective as being more direct and succinct in our speech, because people are busy, their minds are already filled with information.

What's more, the perception created by our communication style often establishes our level of credibility, affects our ability to influence decisions, and ultimately determines whether or not we are invited into the inner circle -- the key to the executive suite.

So how do you strengthen the way you communicate at work? First, you must realize the art of conversation is more than just talking. There's a science to it. Research tells us that leaders spend 80 percent of their time communicating, either orally or in writing, but more than 60 percent of that communication is confusing, misconstrued, or incorrect. So, obviously, talking business is not any easy thing to do in the first place!

Women are comfortable speaking 250 words per minute; men 125 words per minute. While this is a strength for women, it can lead to being overly transparent with your thoughts and beliefs, especially when you feel passionately about something. While this is a valuable attribute in some social situations, at work it can be a detriment. For example, you may be revealing everything when you don't know someone well, and that's often the case with co-workers. Moreover, what if people aren't in agreement with your point of view? They may see you as not being able to connect with them or the outside world's view. It's better to integrate your view, keeping the bigger picture of the organization in mind.

Here's how:

  • Make your words count: Be a woman of few words. Be on point. Sometimes less is more to exude competence and authority and get people to listen to you. Be succinct. Provide context, facts, and rationale in your messages. Quantify things. Percentages can be powerful.
  • Own your message; come back to your key points before ending your conversation. Bill Clinton was a great model for this. When he spoke publicly, he always was concise and came back from his story to nail his key points.
  • Know your audience. Be relevant. Pay attention to others' views and perspectives; ask questions. People want to be heard and understood. Show how your message links back to others' goals and needs.
  • Become a good translator. Listen. Pick up on the cues around you. Only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Hear intonation and watch body language to pick up on what people are really thinking, despite what they may be saying. Watch for people not paying attention. Hear if they are on the offense or defense of your conversation.
  • Slow down. Don't be too quick to jump to an assumption or say no. This is where being overly passionate can be a problem. Ask questions, step back, get the bigger view, then come back with your views/thoughts.
  • Be politically adept at handling hecklers. Who hasn't been on the burning end of a flaming political attack at an important meeting? When this happens, don't let these attacks divert you. When someone interjects his ideas before hearing you out, you might say: "Perhaps you're right, but first it would be helpful to hear my rationale and let it play out before the rest of the group. Then let's all come back as a group and see if it makes sense" or "It's interesting you see it another way. I'm not convinced that what you're saying is totally solving the issue."
  • Speak up. It is never wise to speak out just to be heard; however, if you have something valuable to say -- speak up. This opportunity may come up in meetings or when you need to deliver tough feedback, say, in a performance review. Don't let others interpret your view. It's better that you deliver your intention, position and perspective.
  • Communicate the right way. Know what you really want to convey, who you need to convey it to, the right way to do it (at a meeting, via e-mail, one-on-one, etc.) and the right time to deliver the message.

By mastering these techniques, your words will be more meaningful, have greater impact and produce better results. You also will be able to talk your way out of a sticky situation and right off the sticky floor that's been holding you back.